The Runner

One day when I was very young I looked inside of myself and asked “whatever could have gone so wrong? This just won’t do. I have to fix this. There is no rest until I do.” I ran to the doctor and asked “what can you give me that will cure this sickness I can’t shake?” And the Voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but Healthy.” I ran to my friend and cried “tell me, how will I ever cease to be so broken?” And the voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but Whole.” I ran to my lover and pleaded “when will I be worthy of your admiration?” And the Voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but Cherished.” I ran to the bank and asked the richest person there “tell me what I must do to be of value?”

And the Voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but a Boundless Treasure.” I ran to the judge and asked “what is it I must do to be forgiven?” And the Voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but Innocent.” I ran to the church and mosque, the temple and the mountain and cried “When will I be worthy of the sacred?” And the Voice within me said “to me, you have never been anything but Holy.” I ran and ran, so many laps and years around the world, trying to find the answers to my pain, but all that I ever did was run back into myself, until I grew sick with trying so hard only to find myself back where I had begun. I couldn’t understand why all of my best efforts ended in futility, why no matter how I tried, nothing seemed to work. In my anger I gave up. In my exhaustion I gave up. In my confusion I gave up; and in that brief silence, that one moment where I was still, I finally heard what my True Self had been telling me. I finally understood what it meant when people said “all of the answers lie inside of you.” The gift at the end of all of that searching was one brief moment of peace. Fleeting; but still Peace. In that place of Peace I asked “have I arrived? Is this Heaven? Is the Eden? Is this Enlightenment?” and the Voice within me said “to me, there is nothing but the Journey.”